


Well, Hey, If You Need A Wingman

by HappiKatt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humanstuck, Ice Cream, Illustrated, Johns a Good Wingman, Queer Themes, Rose is Really Gay, Someone pls help her, and helps her hit on kanaya, basically this is just john realizes rose is gay, she doesnt have a single line of dialogue tho, thats it thats the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 23:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14604147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappiKatt/pseuds/HappiKatt
Summary: In which Rose is a useless lesbian, John is a dirty ice cream stealer, and Kanaya may have forgot to take the whites out of the wash.





	Well, Hey, If You Need A Wingman

“—Nope, I’m paying and that’s final!” John’s voice rang into the ice cream shop, nearly drowning out the bell as he swung the door open. 

“John, really, it’s not that big of a deal,” Rose insisted, but John shook his head adamantly. 

“Nuh-uh! We’re celebrating! I don’t care if fourth place isn’t considered a big winner, you still placed in a national contest, and I thought your entry was really cool! I mean, it was kinda hard to read, sure, but whatever, it’s worth celebrating, so I’m buying!” 

“It was hardly my best work, honestly,” said Rose. She’d already had to deal with her mother being somewhat obnoxious about Rose’s modest entry into a national contest for high school works of fiction, but, well, at least John was keeping his own version of commemoration rather quiet. She still hardly felt it was necessary, though. For goodness’ sakes, she’d written the piece long enough ago that she felt hardly any attachment to it, now…

John was already busily looking at the options available. There were some with peanuts, which was a little worrying, but he’d come prepared with a bit of emergency medication if it came to that, and made sure to warn the vendor as he folded the newspaper he’d been reading. He waved Rose over, insistently. Honestly, he really hadn’t understood the story she’d written at all, but it was still cool that she’d placed so high in a competition with so many entries. And, well, more than that, it was a good excuse to get Rose out of the house for something other than school! She’d been so stuck in her own head lately, and he was really hoping some fun out and about would help her relax a little, or at the very least give him a clue as to what was eating her. 

With a roll of her eyes, Rose finally caved in and picked out her own dish. When John paid, the worker said, “Have a nice date!” in a perky voice, and Rose surprised John by responding almost too quickly. 

“We’re not dating,” she said, her voice flat. She picked up her dish and informed John that she was going to pick out a table, whatever it was that was on her mind lately clearly coming back in full force. John winced, stammered out an apology to the server, and hurried to sit himself next to her in the booth she’d chosen (but not too close! Didn’t wanna make it weird, after all). 

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked. 

“Perfectly fine,” said Rose. “It’s a lovely day out, and I’m spending it with my very dear friend. What on Earth could I have to be unhappy about.” She sounded just a touch bitter as she said it.

John twirled his spoon around in his bowl, nervous. “I, uh, I’ve noticed you’ve been kinda off lately. Is it, um…Oh, has your mom been doing that thing again where she acts like we’re gonna get married just cuz we grew up together? I know that annoys you—“ 

“That’s not…exactly it,” she said. “It’s related, technically, I suppose, but…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, John, it’s…It’s very personal. I’m fine, really I am.” 

“Is it about wizards?” he grinned, knowing that he was giving her a free pass to change the subject. “Did Gandalf fall down a hole again, is that it?” 

She flashed him a grateful look, and took it. Better to waste time shooting the breeze about something meaningless than to spend it talking about her thoughts as of late. “Oh, hardly,” she said. “Please, Lord of the Rings may have been foundational, but we can’t spend all our time dwelling on our founders, Genres move on, John. Honestly, update your references.” 

John laughed. “Yeah, sorry, silly of me. I oughtta be talking about your goofy wizards! Like, uh, Zazzlepants?” 

“Zazzerpan. John, really, I could’ve done much better than that thing I threw together for this competition, you don’t have to force yourself to bring up something so trite. Anyway, I’ve since moved on to more interesting fictional wizards in my own works.”

“Well, tell me about them!” 

Rose sighed, her exasperation mostly pretend. It really had been too long since the two of them had just hung out, and it was nice to have someone to share these things with who didn’t feel the need to mock them for being admittedly deeply self-indulgent. Conversation carried on as she described the rough outline for the grand story she’d begun to envision, coupled with the occasional breaks to eat a bit of their ice cream, or for John to crack a joke (one of which actually inspired some very real plot development, she’d have to scribble it down somewhere before she forgot). 

And then, _she_ walked in, and the world ground to a stop. 

John was still babbling on about how, in his opinion, the wizards ought to stop trying to beat Calmasis with trials of wits, since Calmasis was obviously a genius, and should instead just prank them so hard they had to give up in shame, but Rose suddenly couldn’t take her eyes away from the new customer who’d just entered the tiny ice cream parlor. This wasn’t the first time their paths had almost crossed, leading Rose to believe the girl lived somewhere in the area, but each time, Rose had felt her breath taken away. So lovely was she, always with her stunningly green eyes and her always elegant clothing, she might have passed for something straight out of a painting—especially after she picked out her ice cream and sat down alone at a table some distance away from Rose and John, perched with her spoon resting temptingly on her lip for just a moment, the light from the window casting her into tones of ethereal beauty, highlighting her wistful gaze at the world beyond…

“What are we looking at?” spoke John in a stage whisper, right next to Rose’s ear, causing her to nearly jump. Realizing her mistake—staring in public, with John right there, God, she’d nearly given everything away!—she tried to pull herself together, fighting the blush that threatened to creep across her cheeks. 

John tipped his head, now feeling a little worried. If it’d been Dave, he wouldn’t have thought anything of his friend zoning out all the sudden, but this was Rose! “Are you okay?” he asked. “You seem real distracted all the sudden!” 

“No, I’m quite alright,” she said, trying a little too hard to be chipper and fooling no one. She stirred her ice cream, now seeming like she was trying not to look the way she had before. John looked over that way himself again, but he didn’t see anything weird this time, either. Just some girl who’d walked in a few minutes ago, sitting sorta awkwardly by herself and looking maybe a little lonely. Other than that, there was nothing over that way, just empty tables and a big framed black-and-white photo of a historical building. John never got why some places did that, it was sorta weird. 

He looked back at Rose again, and caught her sneaking another glance at the girl, before quickly turning back to her ice cream. And just like that, it clicked.

“As to your suggestion, I’ll certainly take the idea into consideration,” she said, “But the trouble with it is that Calmasis is—“

“Oooh, I think I know what’s going on,” John said, grinning. 

“Well, of course you do, I’ve just laid out for you the entire rough plot I currently have set down of what may well be my magnum opus.” She was really talking fast, pretty obviously trying to derail him, but John would not be swayed! “I’d feel insulted if you didn’t know what was going on, as it would mean that I’d either failed to explain, or that you’ve not been paying attention.”

He snorted. “Not with that, I mean what’s going on with you! You like her, don’t you?” 

Rose dropped her spoon, startled. Bingo. The look she gave him was real scared, though, so he added on quickly, “I’m not gonna be weird about it, promise! I won’t tell anyone!” 

Tension drained out of her with a relieved sigh. “I’m…thank you, for that,” she said, picking her spoon up and stirring her ice cream again. “It’s been a rather…recent realization, and I’m still sorting out that I’m…you know, gay.” She looked around nervously as she said the word, fearing someone might be watching, but the shop had only three customers, and the server was quite occupied with the Sunday comics. She let out a breath she’d been unaware she’d been holding. “I’ve no idea how I’m going to tell mother, nevermind the rest of the world, so I’ve been keeping it to myself for now.”

“For what it’s worth,” John said, “I think I only figured it out because of how you’ve been looking at her. I had no idea thats what this was about! Sorry you’ve been dealing with it alone.” 

Rose sighed, and nearly cursed herself for how lovelorn it must have sounded. “How can I not stare at her? Look at her, she’s like something straight from some gothic romance, an enchantress here to draw away the unsuspecting into her dark embrace, some unknowable entity full of knowledge mere mortals could understand…” 

(John just thought she looked mostly like she’d forgotten something and was trying to remember what it was, but he let Rose keep talking. Gosh, she was adorable right now.) 

“—She’s something sublime, in the sense of—oh, Jesus, stop looking, she’s turning this way, stop looking!” Rose turned her face down, suddenly intently focused on her ice cream again. John looked away too, but hazarded a glance out of the corner of his eye and saw that the girl wasn’t looking at them at all, she’d just sorta turned to look at one of the black-and-white photos on the wall. 

“You should go talk to her,” said John. 

“I-I couldn’t!” Rose hissed. 

“Why not?”

“She’s a complete stranger! I’m not—I couldn’t bother her, it’d be, be, be uncouth, I’d be a nuisance!” 

John rolled his eyes. “Rose, she wouldn’t mind, I’m sure of it! I mean, when I wanna be left alone while eating, I hunch over and eat fast and stare at my phone, you know? But she looks really bored, and she’s eating super slow—I think she’s taken maybe three bites of her sherbet this whole time? You should totally ask her to come over and sit with us, see if she wants some company!” 

“I couldn’t possibly…” 

“Sure you could! Go for it!” 

Rose bit her lip. “I don’t even know how I’d engage the conversation in the first place…” 

John laughed. “Just say you like her shirt or something, I dunno. Rose, c’mon, you’re like, one of the best people with words I know! You can handle one conversation!” 

“No one can be eloquent in the face of the very goddess of beauty, John.”

“Oh my God, Rose, she’s just a person. I bet you she’s just been trying to figure out if she turned the lights out at home before she left this whole time, you goof. She’s not gonna bite you just for talking to her! Who knows, maybe she likes girls, too, and you guys’ll hit it off!” 

“Let’s not get carried away, now,” Rose said, having to force down a blush that threatened to consume her whole face. Still, she’d be lying if she tried to claim that John wasn’t starting to wear her down—perhaps there was a chance, and if she did invite the girl to sit with them as John had suggested, it wouldn’t be as if she needed to take on the entirety of this first conversation alone…

John nudged Rose with his elbow. “Go on! You got this, and I got your back! Go talk to her!” 

She took a deep breath. “Alright,” she said. “Alright, I’m going for it.” She stood up, hardened her resolve…and turned back, just for a moment, to fix John with a long and meaningful look as she said, “Thank you.” 

He grinned, flicked her a thumbs up, and, as soon as she started talking to the girl, stole a big spoonful of her ice cream. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the MetroStation song "She Likes Girls" 
> 
> drawing that picture was an adventure man i was sitting there like 'me too rose' 
> 
> i played myself


End file.
